We all want the same…

We all want to be heard, to be seen, to be validated,
to be appreciated, to be respected, to be LOVED…

 

Wouldn’t that be an incredibly beautiful world if we were all simply offering LOVE to each other?

In the first days of this New Year, I picked up the phone and personally talked with each member of my family, as well as my closest friends. That’s easy, right? They all love me… they will all be beaming back at me a ray of love from their wide open heart, right?

I went deep into my heart and connected with those whom I love dearly, yet some ‘stuff’ happened over the past year (or longer) that created some separation or friction. I decided to open my heart deeper than ever and contacted one of them – the most ‘difficult’ one. Bob (fictive name to honor his privacy) is a friend whom I met 4 years ago. Wonderful man, I’ll admit that there was some attraction there – Bob is beautiful, smart, has a big heart… I mean, com’on!!! I was single and ‘looking’ (notice: I didn’t say single and ‘available’??)

The phone rings… my heart is pounding at 200 beats per minute… Bob answers. Of course, it was easy to get the conversation started with some wishes for the New Year. Bob and I always had a profound connection, but yet again, over a ‘little’ bump on the road, there is now a slight ‘coldness’ or disconnection between us. After all, Bob only owes me a $100K…
**Did I enjoy meeting this man? – Absolutely!
**Did I love the man? – Yes!
**Did I learn and grow through getting to know him? – Absolutely!
**Did I trust him? – Fully!
**Did I get burn? – To the 3^rd degree (physically, emotionally and financially!)
**Did he make a mistake? – You better believe it…
**Do “I” make mistakes once in a while? – (do I really have to answer this one?? – just kidding!!!) Absolutely!

Soooo… where from here? You’ll ask.

 

Well, the choices are mine, aren’t they?
Either I open my heart (last week’s practice) and grow beyond the physical experience (the lost money, the lost in trust, the frustration and resentment, the greediness)… OR, I close it and be mad, furious, angry and drag Bob to court.

 

So, from here, it is not about “ME” per se. And this is where many people go “down in flames”. This is where the majority of people go into fear, anger or the famous “need to be right” mode.

I enjoyed meeting Bob. I loved Bob. I learned and grew because of Bob. I trusted Bob. … So what? He made a mistake and all of a sudden I cannot enjoy him, love him and trust him?
**Was his intent to hurt me? – No!
**Was his intent to put me in a scary place? – No!
**Was his intent to ‘screw me up’? – No!
**Did it happen? – Yes!

Soooo… where from here?

 

This is a perfect example where I had a chance to put this week’s practice into… practice – give to Bob what I desire the most for myself:

- to be heard (have I listened to his heart and his pain of letting me down?),

- to be seen (have I seen his heart?),

- to be validated (have I acknowledged his willingness to help me financially in the first place?),

- to be appreciated (have I appreciated Bob’s gifts and talents?),

- to be respected (have I respected Bob’s values?),

- to be LOVED… (do I STILL love Bob??)

 

During this phone conversation, I had ONE desire: to make sure that Bob understands that I am here for him! I mean… this man lost everything – even his home! Does he need me to pound on him, to attack him and drag him to court? … or does he need my love and support?

Now, by offering my love and support, I am not saying “what you did to me is ok and it’s just fine that I lost this big chunk of money”. I am simply offering what I would want others to do if the scenario was reversed. I can’t fix everything, but I sure can love and offer help to help him get back on his feet. So, I simply asked how I can help, I asked what he needs…

 

You see, I could have gone around and spread negative stories about his character, his business ethics or even do what many do: go online and start building cases against him that would tear apart his reputation.
How would this serve me… or him??

 

The most FREEING thing is to know that
we don’t have to ‘fix anything’: we just need to LOVE!
…meaning that we offer to others what we most need ourselves.

ISN’T THAT SUPER SIMPLE???

 

• MAKING THIS PRACTICE A PART OF ‘YOUR’ LIFE:

This week, I am committing to give to others that which I desire the most for myself

- I want to be heard, so… I will LISTEN!
I realize that my tendency is to interrupt and engage in a conversation versus just LISTEN…

- I want to be respected, so… I will RESPECT!
I commit to respect the person in front of me for his/her ideas and values.

- I want to be accepted, so… I will ACCEPT!
Even though I may not think the same way, have different opinions and ideas… I will accept someone‘s input and feedback. This doesn’t mean I need to agree with them.

- I want to be validated, so… I will ACKNOWLEDGE!
I often see value in what others share, do or say… yet I don‘t say anything. I commit to express the beauty I see!

- I want to be loved, so… I will LOVE!
I recognize that I love ‘with conditions’. I commit to expand my ability to LOVE: this means loving even when love doesn’t come back to me – ESPECIALLY when love doesn’t come back to me!!… no condition!)

- I want to be appreciated, so… I will APPRECIATE!
I commit to indulge in others‘ flavors, ideas, gesture of help… and to cherish their individuality versus ‘judging‘ it.

- I want PEACE, so… I will BE peace!
I am aware that if I want PEACE, I must offer PEACE, not “fight back” (create a war)…

- I want SUPPORT, so… I will give SUPPORT!
Now that I found this support system, I will share with my friends and invite them to join in these Purposeful Practices. It will support them… and it will support me! 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE:
We are doing it – we are living it – and WE ARE HERE TO SUPPORT YOU! Use our Radio Talkshows for additional support!
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WANT TO RECEIVE THE WEEKLY PURPOSEFUL PRACTICES?
Click here to subscribe to our Newsletter. You will then be part of our circle of friends who committed to this new ‘way of life’.

Our next Radio Talkshow:

Tuesday, Jan. 19th, 2010 from 5:30 to 6pm (MTN time)
Join us on air by calling (347) 215-8883

or click here to listen in: “PURPOSEFUL LOVE – Going Heart-Coeur”
NOTE: all talkshows are recorded and available for one month!
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HAVE FUN with this practice!
We love you,
Stéphanie and Doug

PS: Click here to receive last week’s Purposeful Practice
PPS: Remember to keep applying all practices. The ‘weekly’ practice is not something we just do during that one week… it is a LIFESTYLE!
PPPS: you are welcome to leave a comment below, a question or an idea in regards to this practice: