Doing “Relationships” from behind a screen is easy: one can be whatever he/she wants to be on a ‘profile’, send messages, make comments… the danger is that we never know what their TRUTH is, as anyone can post a ‘great picture’ and talk about their incredible qualities!!…
I remember being on a dating site in my single days and post clearly that I was a strong-minded person and that I would take nothing but the truth. In other words: “I have no time for ongoing emails and exchange of pictures – I want to see and connect with your heart”. Yes… it scared a few guys – and I say… “Thank God!” )
Virtual relationships promote lies and the ‘hiding factor’ that we are all already struggling with and trapped into: NOT SHOWING UP TRUTHFULLY!
One can be an ‘angel’ online – yet a ‘demon’ on land…!!!
Be aware…
Many great spiritual teachers remind us of the danger of pointing out the flaws we see in another. One teacher said it this way:
“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults–unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.”
To “wipe that ugly sneer” off our face means we need to be aware that we have the sneer, or as the passage says, a “critical spirit.” Another word is “judge,” or “judgemental”. Religious groups have been accused of being judgmental to others in society. However, it is not just confined to religious groups. It is anyone that takes the position of pointing out the faults of others in order to make themselves look good and the other to look bad. It is an UGLY, UGLY way to live – YUCK!.
All of this comes from a place of ego where it sounds like this (maybe not the exact words): “I’m ‘good’ – you’re ‘bad’”; “I’m better than you”; “I know what I’m talking about – you don’t.”This behavior forces division of families, friends, and creates wars between nations.
What we’re REALLY saying is: “I don’t want you to see my dark sides, my faults….” The main reason we make these ‘judgments’ is because we don’t want others to see our ‘stuff,” and in fact, we are dealing with the same ‘stuff’ we are pointing out in the other!! They are simply – our mirror! Ouch!
The question is: should we even make observations about others? Well, that depends. I’ll say yes, only if, we know the difference between doing it from a place of judgment or awareness. It is awareness that leads to truthful self-change so that we can truly offer love and service to others, whereas judgment, leads to denial, division and suffering. If I say, “That is a really ignorant and proud person,” that statement can be made from a place of judgment, as in, we don’t want people to see our ‘stuff’; or it can be made from a place of awareness… and what needs to change in me? BIG DIFFERENCE!!!
So, what does this mean? Well, perhaps the quote from the passage above is the answer: “Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face – (be aware of, admit and actively work on your own ‘stuff’) – and you mightbe fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.” Here notice the word ‘offer.’ It’s not shoving our opinions onto others; rather, it’s offering loving inspiration from a place of awareness. When we live life from this perspective, we are acknowledging that we ALL have areas to work on and it shifts our spirit to a place of awareness – not judgment and criticism. Now, we are empowered to speak into someone’s life because:
we are not making ourself any better than the other,
we are acknowledging and working on our stuff, and,
we genuinely care about the other to let them know about the “stuff” we see in their life that is causing suffering
By doing this we’re saying: “I see what you are doing that is causing harm to you and those around you, thank you for showing me where I need to change, now let me show you how you can change as well.”
Stéphanie and I desire to always come from a place of awareness – and we’ve had plenty of opportunities for this to be tested!! Practicing this first in our relationship with each other is so important as it is the only way we can lovingly and confidently speak the truth to each other and also to those who choose to become part of our lives. To live with criticism and judgment, is to come from the ego – leading to denial, division and suffering; BUT – to live with awareness, is to have a desire for TRUE self-change and from there, offer loving service to the other.
So, let’s all make the shift to awareness, and make the world a better place!!!
Hmmm….interesting to read my last blog post (quite some time ago). I was just talking to my husband on the phone and sharing what my life lessons have been since I arrived in New York yesterday evening to be by the side of my beautiful girlfriend, as she surrenders to cancer and prepares for ‘the next stage’.
Doug and I were camping last weekend and praying and sending healing thoughts to Naava on the other side of the continent. Doug was sharing with me what he knows about Naava’s life: “A beautiful woman full of grace, love and kindness, generous, creative, outgoing… and then being faced with this total “foreign thing” in her (the cancer)”.
Naava and I met in Peru in May 2007. Our spirits fell in love with each other on the top of Machu Pichu and since, indulged in a profound and divine healing and loving relationship. At the time we met, both Naava and I were on the same path in our life, both wide open to meet our “Big Love”.
In December last year, Naava phoned to inform me that she had been diagnosed with cancer. No need to say that, in the last 8 months, her life took an unexpected new direction. One day, a few months into her new journey, she expressed to me how upset she was at life (yet was willing to surrender and grow through each experience thrown at her): “Here I was, dreaming and praying about this “Big Love” -and here it is! … only it is in the form of ‘cancer’… not a man!”
Since then, it dawned on me that our journeys, though extremely different in the ‘physical form’, had something profoundly similar on the spiritual realm: her “total foreign thing” (the cancer), as Doug put it into words, was just another form of the “Big Love” that I had been ‘hit by’ the day I met Doug. My own “total foreign thing”!
Today, as I am blessed to be able to be by Naava’s side, I am contemplating the depth of our parallel journeys. She is resting… and I am here, sitting on the patio of her home (overlooking the Hudson river, with an outstanding view of Manhattan). I am allowing more truth to come to my heart and taking in each lesson from the journeys (hers and mine!). I see clearly: the one thing that “her” foreign thing and “mine” have in common is that we both saw ‘the light’ and, somehow, connected with it. We both know that there is ‘more’ to it… for her, it is through the letting go of the physical form and move onto the spiritual. The one thing that keeps her from totally moving into that light is the ‘hanging on’ to what is (has been). On my side, it is through letting go of my fears of being loved, being cared for, being admired and worshipped. What keeps me from moving into that light is the ‘hanging on’ to what has been (the hurt, the abandonment, the failures).
It the end, we are both afraid of that light, yet know that it is where, ultimately, we’re headed… and where a new form of freedom is waiting for us. And deep down in our hearts, we know it is big and beautiful ‘there’… that it is a place where more magic and healing happens
I am being reminded more powerfully than ever that I am here on this earth to LIVE what I believe in: LOVE and TRUTH. I don’t have to say or do anything – just BE!
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